Horrors of Fashion

This is…pretty. But also horrible. Even that rail thin...

emicbrown — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 20:33:00 -0800

This is…pretty. But also horrible. Even that rail thin model looks bulky in this sparkly monstrosity. And it’s literally called the “Window Pane Bustier Dress In Pink.”

I can’t deny I have a weakness for the Barbie-pink shininess, though.

Some pretty spectacular horrors from Beyond the Rack. I...

emicbrown — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 14:11:49 -0800

Some pretty spectacular horrors from Beyond the Rack. I can’t remember the brand and the event is over now, but I couldn’t just not post these.

WHAT. PLEASE, NO. Bodysuit from H&M

emicbrown — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 14:21:06 -0800

WHAT. PLEASE, NO.

Bodysuit from H&M

HOLY JESUS BALLS. WHAT? NO. (thanks Kora for the tip-off.)

rlbarker — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 14:25:54 -0700

HOLY JESUS BALLS.

WHAT?

NO.

(thanks Kora for the tip-off.)

So, what’s going on here? Is that lace sleeve part of this...

rlbarker — Fri, 06 Jul 2012 11:54:53 -0700

So, what’s going on here? Is that lace sleeve part of this boot? Is the boot wearing a veil? Is that a Lucite drinking glass acting as a heel? Is it just a drinking glace placed behind the boot? And am I wrong, or does this boot actually have a camel toe?
In writing this post I discovered there’s a website called “camel foot photos”, which is actually photos of actual camel’s feet. Safe search does not always keep you safe.

“You know what would be...

rlbarker — Thu, 28 Jun 2012 10:04:21 -0700

“You know what would be great?”

“What?”

“If I, Christian Louboutin, took one of my old designs, glued fish-netting and pouff balls all over it, and told people I thought it was cool. I bet lots of people would still buy it.”

“HA! An hilarious joke, Christian! Why don’t you stick some feathers on there too, just to make it extra ridiculous!”

“Brilliant, Lackey! This is the best joke since Danielle Steele became my biggest client!”

[ed. note: obviously this entire conversation happened in French.]

Maybe it’s just me and my abiding hatred for raffia, but...

emicbrown — Fri, 22 Jun 2012 19:01:38 -0700

Maybe it’s just me and my abiding hatred for raffia, but this is not a pretty sight. I don’t want a purse that looks like a grass skirt, even if it does have some jewels sewn on for good measure.

Tory Burch Runway Raffia Clutch

This shoe is wearing a catcher’s mask. I don’t...

rlbarker — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 11:45:00 -0700

This shoe is wearing a catcher’s mask.

I don’t understand anything any more.

‘Nuff said. Missoni fall 2012

emicbrown — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 15:29:00 -0700

‘Nuff said.

Missoni fall 2012

I’m excited to share this with you. You may remember this...

emicbrown — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 15:08:00 -0700

I’m excited to share this with you. You may remember this horror. We have found its parent. I honestly cannot believe that the good folks at Louis Vuitton did not design this purse as some sort of Star Wars tribute. Really, this is not a horror of fashion, but a triumph. Rejoice. And again, click here, if you dare.

Louis Vuitton Fall 2012

Honestly, this shoe give me the creeps. It has a ponytail! I...

emicbrown — Tue, 19 Jun 2012 14:57:42 -0700

Honestly, this shoe give me the creeps. It has a ponytail! I guess that face is supposed to be wearing it? Like some sort of cubist cheerleader? I don’t know. But really, there are some logistical errors with this shoe. For one, with all the tripping-all over-your-ponytail and dragging-your-ponyail-on-the-ground that’s bound to happen, it’s not gonna take long before that ponytail looks like it came straight off an actual pony: tangles, dirt, and all :(

Is this a shoe, or a bathtub?

rlbarker — Mon, 18 Jun 2012 10:18:45 -0700

Is this a shoe, or a bathtub?

Hey, you got Good & Plenty’s all over my totally...

rlbarker — Mon, 18 Jun 2012 10:16:20 -0700

Hey, you got Good & Plenty’s all over my totally amazing heels! Jerk.

Giambattista Valli, Haute Couture Heels.

What’s this? I think I made this in Girl Scouts once, to...

emicbrown — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 23:58:00 -0700

What’s this? I think I made this in Girl Scouts once, to get my crafts badge.

Jimmy Choo fall 2012

Disclaimer

rlbarker — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 20:44:20 -0700

I guess now is a good time for a disclaimer, since we’ve received our first ever hate mail (that didn’t take long)!

Disclaimer:

Everything we post here is for our own amusement. This does not mean that anything we feature is actually bad, or that we expect everyone to agree that it is ugly. It just means we, with our subjective opinions and tastes, do not like it. Feel free to disagree!

We know not everyone will agree with us. We only hope that you get enjoyment out of the (hopefully) funny things we say about the products we don’t like.

Your fashion taste is pretty clearly limited to a certain group of style. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's a 'horror of fashion'. Maybe you're the ones WITHOUT style.

emicbrown — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 18:16:00 -0700

Of course, everything here is only our opinion! Style and fashion is 100% a matter of taste, no matter what. This is all subjective, and all for fun.

If you disagree, no need to follow us! :)

And keep in mind that we are just two girls having fun on the internet! Our opinions are so very unimportant. And we might not even agree with each other all the time (I kind of like that fruit bracelet, RACHEL!), but that’s ok, cause this is all for the funzies!

Just wanted to keep you guys updated, apparently prom shoes from...

rlbarker — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 17:11:35 -0700

Just wanted to keep you guys updated, apparently prom shoes from 1996 are considered “sizzling” this season. You’re welcome.

Look! A tree trunk! This will make your legs look sooo slender...

emicbrown — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 16:15:00 -0700

Look! A tree trunk! This will make your legs look sooo slender and not at all like troll legs.

Givenchy fall 2012

The only reason to buy this incredibly cheap looking charm...

rlbarker — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 09:27:19 -0700

The only reason to buy this incredibly cheap looking charm bracelet from Call it Spring is… hm…. no, no, I can’t think of any reason to spend $12 on this. I’d rather go get twelve Dorito Tacos.

This is either a very expensive nightgown, or Laura’s...

rlbarker — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 09:19:00 -0700

This is either a very expensive nightgown, or Laura’s wedding dress from the prairie.

Oh no wait. It’s a brand new thing that you’re supposed to buy and wear out in the real world. Thanks, Valentino Resort, 2013, for helping us find our inner Amish. (Photo: Courtesy of Valentino)

[Edit: I actually hate all of these outfits; the dress on the left is even worse than the one I originally posted.]